you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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