I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
