So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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