the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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