I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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