I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
