I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
