when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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