I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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