Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
