Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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