she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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