Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
vagina is talking i cant
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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