I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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