I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
