Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
