I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
