Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
