After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
