My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
