i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
