Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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