I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
