Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
