Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
