that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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