he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
