Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
