Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
