dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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