she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize