Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
