I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
