If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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