Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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