i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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