goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Randomize
