I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
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