Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Randomize
