bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
