Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
