Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
