now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize
