do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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