i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
