??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
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I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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