i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
