Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
