You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
