I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
