I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
