I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My vagina just clenched in fear
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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