I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
