Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
