Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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