So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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