We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
