So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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