Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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