It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
