Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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