I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
