The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
