Your face is a jimmy john
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
