she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
