my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
3pm strippers are depressing
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
