There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize