At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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