we have pet lesbian snakes
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
