i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
