tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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