Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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