Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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