for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I love you. Go after that dick
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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