This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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