Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
