PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
