Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
