Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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