I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
