all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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