do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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