Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
