We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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