I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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