i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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