Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
