I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize