The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
