this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
