yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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