At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
